I spent the night in a hospital babysitting a 3 week old infant to provide respit relief for her mother who hasn't had an hour strait of sleep since the baby was born and has 4 other little ones at home! Because I was with the infant the mother got a few hours of peaceful sleep. I don't even think of it as kindness, the real kindness is the mother who does this non-stop for years on end.
Copyright 2002 by PartnersInKindness.org
"Enter the World of the Other Person"
I have a complex personality and rarely feel
understood. When I have a difficult issue that I
need to deal with, most people I speak to
verbally shoot from the hip. They say things that
might fit the inner world of others, but not
mine. I remember how great it felt to meet
someone who didn’t offer any advice or
suggestions until he understood the entire
picture from my perspective. He took my unique
personality into consideration before making any
helpful comments. And that is why what he told me
was so constructive.
I am very emotional. My emotions are intense and
don’t change as easily as they do for most other
people I know. When other people tell me, “Just
cheer up,” or, “Just calm down,” it’s not a bit
helpful.
When you wish to help people, enter their world.
To be truly helpful you need to take into
consideration: life history, total present
situation, unique personality, patterns of
emotions, and individualized perceptions and
evaluations.
When you enter someone’s world, that person no
longer feels lonely. You are more likely to avoid
making distressful or counterproductive comments.
And what you do say could be precisely what this
person needs to hear.
Learning to enter the world of another person is
a learnable skill. The more people you interview
and listen to carefully, the more your expertise
will grow.
Probe with sensitivity. Some people would prefer
that you don’t ask personal questions. But those
who wish to be understood will greatly appreciate
your probing questions as intended to be helpful
and not as prying into their private lives. Here
your motivation is very important. If you are
asking questions just because of your own
curiosity, the person might be offended and
protect his privacy. But when your questions are
solely for the other person’s benefit, they are
likely to be appreciated.
Listen to understand. Listen nonjudgmentally.
Comprehend why this person did what he did from
his perspective. Then your advice and suggestions
will be more readily accepted. Your concern for
the total welfare of this person will come
through and will be appreciated.
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